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© 2019 by Bethany Bell, photography by Ken Cheal and Nathanuel Williams

  • Bethany Bell

3 ways to be unbelievably good at being single!


Have you ever met someone who hates being single? Yup, me too! Attractive isn't it!?


That's not to say we can't have "come on, are you kidding me?" kinda days… but if you're living a life where you are trying to escape prison… we have to shift something. Singleness isn’t a prison to escape from nor is it a disease to be caught (despite the vibes sometimes haha!).


Did you know everyone has, at one time or another, been single? Get out! I know, how crazy is that stat. But despite the stat, singleness can still be treated awkwardly.


So, I wrote a book.


I wrote On Being Single to say… "I get it!", to laugh (or cry) over shared experiences (ha!), but also, to kick people up the backside around our thinking, and to challenge us to include Jesus in our every day, including our singleness.


So, in honour of Valentine's Day and in anticipation for this upcoming release, here are 3 ways to be unbelievably good at being single.

1. Don't fear it.


You may have experienced some weird (even mean-hearted) remarks, expectations from others. You may feel the odd-vibes at times. But you totally don't have to take it on. When the feelings of shame, awkwardness or fear come crashing in, you have a choice.


Singleness is not to be feared, it is 100% a part of everyone's life at some point, and right now, it's a part of yours. Own it and refuse to let emotions reign that are unhealthy, untrue and downright depressing!


Recently I met a woman, upon introducing herself she very obviously checked my ring finger, then followed up by double checking if I was, in fact, single. She was the sweetest (seriously, I didn't mind at all)… I answered, "not only am I single, but I’m releasing a book on it!" Whatever your situations, embrace your life in all it's fullness.


2. Cultivate friendships.


I remember when I first moved out of home... never, ever have I been so lonely. I found it incredibly hard to build friendships. I get it; it’s not always easy, it doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and many people don’t realise how much other people need friends!! But hey, it’s possible... throw a smile, some kindness, intentionality, fun (and maybe a bit of awkward) and you’ve got a recipe for friendship.


To be honest, cultivating friendships is actually a key to an unbelievably good life (full-stop). But I kinda think it comes with bonus rewards when you're single!


“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” C.S. Lewis

3. Get real.


How much time do you have for surface conversations and surface life... Me? Yeah, not much. And yet, though we dislike it and the accompanying "perfect" image portrayed, we often join the club. Come on, you and I, we can do better than that.


My third tip for being unbelievably good at being single is get real.


Find space and people to laugh at the smallest things, to talk about anything and everything, to process logic and emotions, people who will pray for you (& you them), people that will have your back... people to do this crazy thing called life with.


The thing with getting real is, no one can force it from you, we have to choose it.


So, go ahead find someone to be vulnerable with… sure they'll be a few mishaps, but I honestly believe with good people there will be more wins than losses.


Your perception around singleness feeds your reality. So, begin shifting perceptions; to not fear your season, to cultivate good friendships and to get real. In doing this we'll make an unbelievably good reality.


Bethany


P.S. my first ever (bite-sized) book, On Being Single, is out soon… stay tuned!


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